There may be one person you keep thinking about since finding out you’re pregnant: your partner.
Will he be shocked? Angry? Excited? Will he immediately ask what you plan to do?
Not knowing how someone will react can make telling him feel harder than the conversation itself. If you want to sort through your own questions first, contact Ventura County Pregnancy Center to schedule a free appointment.
We can discuss how to approach the conversation with your partner and what resources are available to help you feel supported.
Decide What You Want to Say
You don’t have to tell your partner everything at once.
You can start with the fact that you’re pregnant. If you haven’t made a decision about the pregnancy, you could also tell him that, too.
Something as simple as, “I found out I’m pregnant, and I’m still figuring out how I feel about it,” makes your position clear.
You can also decide ahead of time whether you want to hear his opinion right away or whether you’d rather give both of you a little time before discussing decisions.
He May Need Time to Process It
Even in a healthy relationship, an unexpected pregnancy can catch both people off guard.
Your partner may immediately start worrying about money, housing, work, or becoming a father. He may go quiet because he doesn’t know what to say.
You don’t have to treat his first response as the final word on how he feels. If the conversation becomes tense, deciding to continue it another day may be better than forcing both of you to keep talking.
If You’re Afraid of Him
Being nervous that your partner will be upset is different from being afraid that he may threaten or hurt you.
If he has been violent, intimidating, extremely controlling, or has threatened you before, don’t put yourself in danger just to tell him.
Tell someone you trust what is going on. Consider having another person nearby if you do decide to share this news with him. And remember, you can also choose not to tell him about this pregnancy, especially if your partner is abusive and you’re worried about the situation escalating.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 for confidential help.
We’re Here to Support You
Your partner may have strong feelings about the pregnancy. You likely have strong feelings, too.
Neither of you needs to settle every question during the first conversation.
Afterward, you can think about what he said, get answers to your own questions, and decide what matters most to you. Remember, this is your pregnancy. Only you can make a decision, but you don’t have to figure things out by yourself.
Contact Ventura County Pregnancy Center to schedule a free appointment if you’d like to speak with someone before telling your partner or to explore the support available.
Ventura County Pregnancy Center does not provide or refer for abortions.